peace

TTBB and piano or chamber ensemble

In the summer of 2014, I received an email from the director of the Boston Gay Men’s Chorus asking me if I would be interested in writing something for their upcoming tour of Israel and Turkey (the first LGBT chorus to do so!). Specifically, he was interested in a work about the concept of “peace.” This felt like a huge ask, because that region of the world has been fraught with ethnic and religious conflict for millennia, and I thought it might be seen as rude to travel to these communities and ask why everyone couldn’t simply just get along. The concept I eventually landed on was that peace wasn’t just the absence of war but also the moments in our lives when we feel at peace. It still felt risky, but maybe we could all relate to that.

The only problem was finding a text that was about something that specific. In order to solve this problem, I went to the chorus members themselves and had them anonymously complete the phrase “I was at peace when…” as many times as they wanted. They responded with an honesty that was at times brutal but also gracious at the same time, and the work we took to the Middle East is made up entirely of their beautiful life stories.

peace was commissioned by the Boston Gay Men’s Chorus for their historic 2015 tour of Israel and Turkey. It is dedicated with gratitude to their fearless conductor, Reuben M. Reynolds III, and the men of the chorus themselves for the incredible work they do in their community and the broader world. It is the first movement in what eventually became a four-movement cycle about their experiences on the tour (which included the passage of nation-wide marriage equality while they were touring the Hagia Sophia in Istanbul), titled capable of anything.

The Text

Adapted from anonymous responses by members of the commissioning ensemble.

I was at peace when I looked in your eyes.
I was at peace when I left a bad job.
I was at peace when I didn’t feel guilty.
I was at peace only when I wasn’t sober.
I was at peace when I was in nature.
I was at peace when I beheld the stars.
I was at peace when I crossed the Charles and the view is the one thing that never gets old.
I was at peace when I finished college.
I was at peace when I stood up for what was right.
I was at peace when I got sober the second time.
I was at peace when you were born.
I was at peace when I first held our baby girl.
I was at peace when I saw myself through my son’s eyes.
I was at peace when the nurse told me he’s breathing on his own.
I was at peace when I kissed him for the first time.
I was at peace when I held my son’s hand in the incubator before he died.
I was at peace when I could finally let go.

I was at peace when I had faith.
I was at peace after fasting and prayer.
I was at peace when I felt God’s answer.
I was at peace when I chanted the Torah.
I was at peace when I prayed to Jesus.
I was at peace when I chanted the Quran.
I was at peace when I learned my truth. 
I was at peace when I told my mom that I was an atheist.
I was at peace when she told me she loved me.
I was at peace when she passed as I sang to her.
I was at peace when I finished her eulogy.
I was at peace when I finally let go.

I was at peace when I found others like me.
I was at peace when they helped me to see.
I was at peace when I realized it wasn’t my fault.
When I looked in the mirror and finally liked who I saw, I was at peace.

I was at peace when I didn’t burn dinner and you asked for seconds.
I was at peace when we watched movies together.
I was at peace when I realized how much my family loves you.
I was at peace when I heard your laugh.
I was at peace when you read aloud to me every night.
I was at peace even though we had that fight.
I was at peace when I slept in your arms.
I was at peace when I woke up next to you.
I was at peace when I knew he could never hit me again.
I was at peace when I found the courage to walk away.
I was at peace when you decided not to leave.
I was at peace when you asked me to stay.
I was at peace when I let go of the past.
I was at peace when I forgave myself.
I was at peace when I realized I mattered.
I was at peace when realized I didn’t have to be anything more than who I am.

I was at peace when I realized we are all more alike than different.
I was at peace.

Watch a short documentary about the making of peace below.

Performed by the Boston Gay Men’s Chorus
(Reuben M. Reynolds III, conductor).